“I’m born this way; it’s just my personality!” she said with her arms crossed as if to symbolically ‘protect herself’ from my reaction. I tried my best to stay calm, but my entire inner world was on high alert from the painful critique I just received. I was used to her harsh and hurtful comments. But this day I had enough!
“Really! You are born this cruel??? I doubt it! No one is born like that. Being mean is ALWAYS a choice!” Your personality is HOW you choose to show up in life and relationships, and you can choose to be kind, or you can choose to be mean”.
“But it’s too late for me to change,” she snapped. “My mother was mean to me, and I’m just repeating the pattern. It’s just how I turned out”.
I took a deep breath in and said; “No, that’s yet another excuse for not wanting to change your behaviour. You can transform who you are and how you treat others. But to do so, you’ll need to change how you think, act, and talk. You’ll need to begin living, right now, as you desire to become.
You have great power within you to BECOME exactly who you want to be. To do so, you must be intentional. So the big question is, who do you want to be? And before you answer, let me just tell you; that if you want a relationship with me you have to change because this is the LAST time you’ve talked to me this way!”
She didn’t say a word as she marched down the hallway and closed the door behind her. I stood there for a long time…shaking…it was the first time in my life; I truly allowed myself to set boundaries and speak up to a bully. And it was the last time she treated me badly. I was 30…. But you know what…sometimes good things take time.
The lesson…. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Refuse to accept dominating, negative, energy-sucking bullies to eat at your confidence and reduce your inner peace. Setting boundaries is also a CHOICE and when you start to set boundaries, your relationships will change. Some relationships will end; others will bloom and become remarkable.
So again; the big question is, who do you want to be and how do you want people to treat you? Only YOU can show them.
Remember this; don’t wait for confidence to show up so you can set boundaries. Set boundaries and your confidence will grow.