“I’m born this way; it’s just my personality!” she said with her arms crossed as if to symbolically ‘protect herself’ from my reaction.I tried my best to stay calm, but my entire inner world was on high alert from the painful critique I just received. I was used to her harsh and hurtful comments. But this day I had enough!
“Really! You are born this cruel??? I doubt it! No one is born like that. Being mean is ALWAYS a choice!” Your personality is HOW you choose to show up in life and relationships, and you can choose to be kind, or you can choose to be mean”.
“But it’s too late for me to change,” she snapped. “My mother was mean to me, and I’m just repeating the pattern. It’s just how I turned out”.
I took a deep breath in and said; “No, that’s yet another excuse for not wanting to change your behaviour. You can transform who you are and how you treat others. But to do so, you’ll need to change how you think, act, and talk. You’ll need to begin living, right now, as you desire to become.
You have great power within you to BECOME exactly who you want to be. To do so, you must be intentional. So the big question is, who do you want to be? And before you answer, let me just tell you; that if you want a relationship with me you have to change because this is the LAST time you’ve talked to me this way!”
She didn’t say a word as she marched down the hallway and closed the door behind her. I stood there for a long time…shaking…it was the first time in my life; I truly allowed myself to set boundaries and speak up to a bully. And it was the last time she treated me badly. I was 30…. But you know what…sometimes good things take time.
The lesson…. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Refuse to accept dominating, negative, energy-sucking bullies to eat at your confidence and reduce your inner peace. Setting boundaries is also a CHOICE and when you start to set boundaries, your relationships will change. Some relationships will end; others will bloom and become remarkable.
So again; the big question is, who do you want to beand how do you want people to treat you? Only YOU can show them.
Remember this; don’t wait for confidence to show up so you can set boundaries. Set boundaries and your confidence will grow.
Yesterday, I shared my thoughts on the current world situation over at instagram. Because of all the positive responses I got, I decided to turn my thoughts into a longer blog post. I want to be here for you and support you during this very unreal situation.
I think the fear of the unknown is the ultimate fear of them all. The uncertainty and unpredictability of the Coronavirus is suddenly our new normal, so if you feel fear, stress or anxiety I get it! It’s totally understandable because the situation make us feel a lack of control.
When we feel powerless we stop focusing on our purpose and our goals but the truth is that, although the situation is uncertain, you can decide to take back the power of your thinking and make the best of a bad situation.
“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is!”
Accept what you cannot change
The very first thing you need to do in order to cope with chaos and uncertainty is to accept the current situation. Accept what you cannot change.
The best motto for dealing with any crisis is this “It is as it is“. Meaning; the sooner you accept reality and what you cannot change, the sooner you can get through it and work with what you actually can change.
“Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be”
The solution is on the other side of panic
When the world is chaotic be the calm rock others can look to for guidance. Don’t ride the wave of panic. Create your own wave of optimism and share it with those in need of comfort.
As long as you stay afraid, angry, sad, frustrated or in panic over the situation, you will be in pain. You have to protect your energy. Don’t waste your precious energy resources on negativity. It is as it is and you will get through this. And you get through it by focusing on what you can do.
You are stronger than you think and you have all the resources inside of you to deal with this unusual and demanding situation. Your strength is found in you being calm.
Don’t take part in creating panic. Reduce how much of your day you spend talking about your fears and the Coronavirus.
Limit your family’s exposure to news coverage
Reduce how much you watch and read the news. Stay updated every day about your country’s regulations but when you’re updated stop reading and watching. You need to protect your mind and your nerves.
Be mindful of your thoughts. All fears stem from how you think about your current situation. That’s also why you need to limited your focus on the negative news. Spend time on activities that helps you think happy thoughts. Do what you love.
Lockdown = guilt-free slow living
If you’re on lockdown with your kids, remember that this is a unique chance to spend quality time with them and be fully present. Slow down, bake, paint, play, draw, read stories and dance.
Help your kids focus on the positive parts of life. They need you to take leadership in the most optimistic way.
Count your blessings because there’s so many wonderful things in this world. You can choose to be fearful or you can choose to be grateful.
The bottom line is that finding thankfulness for the “little” things like hugging your pet, holding hands, having roof over your head, being loved, being alive, having friends, walking in nature and listening to music, is what will get you through this.
Keep working on your creative goals
Personally, I will continue to work on my creative goals and my business. It might feel like the world is standing still at the moment, but it’s very much moving and I wanna be ready (not behind) when everything gets back to normal again.
The lockdown is a perfect chance for you to dedicate time to your passion and hobbies. Take an online course, do a creative challenge, re-design your website, create inspiring content for your blog or re-think your business model. Spend your time doing what you love because is’s not only beneficial to your mind and health, it also makes you a great role model for your family and friends.
If you love photography, why not join me and other fabulous creative women from all over the world in the Online Photography Academy Program. This is a fantastic way to spend your time during lockdown, and grow your creative skills while being in a supportive and positive group.
Focus on your health
The lockdown is a great chance to focus on your health and boost your immune system. Personally, I see this as a great opportunity to live more simplistic and healthy. So I’m doing a juice and water fast. I have fresh juice in my fridge and I just take one out when I need it. No cooking, no shopping needed.
It’s extra important to get as much sleep as possible, especially if you have flu like symptoms or feel anxious. If you have a hard time falling asleep I recommend going to bed with a glass of warm milk (or tea) with honey. It calms the body down and helps you ease into sleep. Listen to a sleep visualisation or sleep hypnoses.
Last but not least, move your body. Normally, I go to the gym several times a week and work with my personal trainer. Now that I can’t go, I do what I can at home. One of the best benefits of exercising is that it helps you feel mentally strong as well.
I recommend doing HIIT or Yoga. Both types of workouts can easily be done at home and will help you stay calm and connected with your body + overcome stressful times. My favourite workout youtube channels are:
Growing up I was told to lower my voice and sit still. Don’t talk back because it’s rude. Be a good girl. Do as told. Mix in with the rest. Don’t stand out. Don’t drawn attention to yourself.
In school I was told that I would never be “somebody successful” because I was shy, introvert, emotionally weak, couldn’t spell properly (still can’t) and was not good at math.
As a young woman I was labeled with anxiety and depression. A confused soul with no direction in life. A person who was unable to finish things and get stuff done. (Very unlike who I am today).
Every negative label that was put on me I accepted as my truth. I accepted that other people put me in a “box” and I believed that my place was to draw inside these lines.
But one day EVERYTHING changed. I snapped! Some might call it a breakdown, I call it a breakthrough!
My therapist was putting yet another label on me; “Christina you have Angrophobia” (fear of anger).
She hardly finished the sentence before I exploded. I jumped up from my chair like I was the karate kid, kicked down the coffee table, and shouted “I’ll show you anger lady!!”
I ran out slamming the door behind me. I never went back. I never looked back. This girl was DONE with labels.
It was a major turning point in my life; the first time I really allowed myself to express my anger. This was the day I took back my POWER and decided to NEVER again let anyone tell me who I am.
No more people pleasing, no more washing away my true personality to fit in. No more living like other people wanted me to live.
I’m so thankful that my inner warrior showed up to fight for her rights to set boundaries.
I’ve become my own Mr Miyagi telling myself to “Wax on… Wax off” all the limiting beliefs and all the labels.
I’ll always get up after I stumble and fall. Wether I run, walk or crawl, I’ll set my goals and do my best to achieve them.
Every day I have the opportunity to be who I want to be, and step by step I walk to the beat of my own drum.
So to everyone out there who was once told that; you cannot do something, you cannot be somebody, you cannot achieve your wildest dreams... Don’t listen!
Don’t create your narrative based on who you’ve been. Don’t plan your future based on what you’ve been told you can’t do. Create a narrative based on who you want to be.
Never accept the negative labels that others put on you, because they will keep you limited and stuck.
When you boldly decide that you can be who you want to be, your circumstances will change.
Keep walking. Keep trusting yourself.
Wax on… wax off all the crap people tell you.
You don’t need anyone else’s approval or judgement to guide you.
